Hank LNU

Life in Politics

2006-10-23T13:32:00.000-07:00

“I’ve acquired a lot of new friends this year,” Mr. Frank said. “And I haven’t gotten any nicer.”

What a great political quote. He's talking about how people expect the Democrats to gain control of the House, and how he stands to gain significant political power.

And for those of you who are wondering...no, I haven't quit. I just haven't really had anything to say, or even if I did, the time to say it here.

They Took My Deodorant

2006-10-03T12:53:00.000-07:00

First, let me establish my bona fides. I'm the guy who always thanks the airport security people after they search me. And I fully appreciate how important and thankless their job is.

So please realize my ire is directed not at them, but at their bosses in DC.

I just wenr through airport security, and they took my deodorant and my toothpaste. As if Right Guard and Crest were two synonyms for Al Queda and Hezb'allah. And me with a kipah.

I have two problems with this. The first is that evidently, under 3 oz. of liquid or gel is fine. As if 3 oz. of C-4 plastic explosive won't blow a big hole in an airplane. So my 2.75 oz. Edge Gel is good to go, but my 6 oz. bottle of toothpaste goes in the trash. How about they just have me eat some? No one would eat liquid explosives. But no...in the trash it goes.

But the main problem I have is that we're fighting the last war. We're protecting ourselves against an attack that already was tried...and *failed*. They're going to try something else next time. Something we haven't thought of, and something we're not going to think of, because we're spending our time afraid of flouride.

Apropos of nothing whatsoever, anyone know where I can pick up some toothpaste and deodorant in Houston?

Awesome

2006-09-22T11:16:00.000-07:00


Some of these are really inventive.

In Other News...

2006-09-06T04:44:00.000-07:00

...Water is wet.

We Barely Knew Ye

2006-08-25T05:14:00.000-07:00

Pluto's not a planet anymore. I don't know how to feel about this. Although, half my science education has been disproved since I last took a science course, so I guess I'm fine.

Just In Case You Forgot

2006-08-07T14:29:00.000-07:00

Islam: Religion of Burning Children

I still think about this news article, linked below.

This is the nature of our enemy. This is what they do.

Just in case you were wondering what I mean when I say that the enemy is Islamic Fundamentalism, and that it's evil. Maybe you thought I was engaging in a little hyperbole when I said "evil."

Read the article, and tell me I'm wrong.

Free-Falling Prestige

2006-08-07T12:51:00.000-07:00

A Question for Our Times

I read quite a few opinion columns, both from the right and the left, and if there's one common theme among them, it is this: American prestige in the Arab world is falling, and in fact our actions contribute to the growing fundamentalist trend in Islam.

To which I reply, "who gives a shit?"

Why does anyone care what our standing is among the enemy? Did anyone ever care whether Musollini liked us? Or Hitler? Or Tojo? Are you kidding? Our enemy doesn't like us? Good. If our enemy did like something we did I think that'd be immediate cause to reconsider the course of action.

Let's be clear: the two emotions I want in my enemies are hate and fear. I want them to hate everything about us. Because they hate really good things, like freedom, pluralism, equality, democracy. And they like things I hate, like intolerance, totalitarianism, religious oppression, indiscriminate murder. I want them to hate me.

Does this mean eternal war with Islamic Fundamentalism?

Are you daft? Of course it does. Making war on evil isn't wrong. It's a moral imperative.

And what's my exit strategy?

Let me quote Winston Churchill for that answer:

You ask, What is our policy? I will say; “It is to wage war, by sea, land and air, with all our might and with all the strength that God can give us: to wage war against a monstrous tyranny, never surpassed in the dark lamentable catalogue of human crime. That is our policy.” You ask, What is our aim? I can answer with one word: Victory—victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory however long and hard the road may be; for without victory there is no survival.

Grammar Five-Oh

2006-08-07T07:58:00.000-07:00

Try And

Yes, I'm back on the whole grammar thing.

The phrase, "try and..." as in, "I'm going to try and help those people," is always incorrect. The correct phrasing is "try to." "Try and" is a speaker's convention that crept into the written form. Alas.

The only time "try and" is correct is when it is followed by another verb in opposition to trying, as with "failed." "I'll try, but—be prepared—I'll most likely try and fail."

Have a nice day.

Professional Nerd

2006-08-01T08:45:00.000-07:00

Is MooCow in New Zealand yet? Because this is so his new career path. Some guy is paying some kid $45 per hour to help him learn to play Halo 2 better. No, I'm not kidding. This from the Wall Street Journal.

Let's not even discuss why this is news. The WSJ front page is always a little quirky.

An Apology Apology

2006-08-01T08:32:00.000-07:00

I'm Sorry

I've heard too many non-apology apologies in my time: "I'm sorry the situation arose," "I'm sorry if your feelings were hurt," "I'm sorry for this misunderstanding." All these include the word "sorry," but don't actually say that the person recognizes that they did something wrong. Which is the essense of an apology. To recognize that you've done something wrong, and regret your acts. "I'm sorry I yelled at you." "I'm sorry I insulted you." Those are apologies.

So while I'm a little pissed at Mel Gibson for his anti-semitic, drunken tirade, and his newly-outed anti-semitic beliefs—in vino veritas—I must admit that the man knows how to apologize:

August 2, 2006 -- There is no excuse, nor should there be any tolerance, for anyone who thinks or expresses any kind of Anti-Semitic remark. I want to apologize specifically to everyone in the Jewish community for the vitriolic and harmful words that I said to a law enforcement officer the night I was arrested on a DUI charge.

I am a public person, and when I say something, either articulated and thought out, or blurted out in a moment of insanity, my words carry weight in the public arena. As a result, I must assume personal responsibility for my words and apologize directly to those who have been hurt and offended by those words.

The tenets of what I profess to believe necessitate that I exercise charity and tolerance as a way of life. Every human being is God’s child, and if I wish to honor my God I have to honor his children. But please know from my heart that I am not an anti-Semite. I am not a bigot. Hatred of any kind goes against my faith.

I’m not just asking for forgiveness. I would like to take it one step further, and meet with leaders in the Jewish community, with whom I can have a one on one discussion to discern the appropriate path for healing.

I have begun an ongoing program of recovery and what I am now realizing is that I cannot do it alone. I am in the process of understanding where those vicious words came from during that drunken display, and I am asking the Jewish community, whom I have personally offended, to help me on my journey through recovery. Again, I am reaching out to the Jewish community for its help. I know there will be many in that community who will want nothing to do with me, and that would be understandable. But I pray that that door is not forever closed.

This is not about a film. Nor is it about artistic license. This is about real life and recognizing the consequences hurtful words can have. It’s about existing in harmony in a world that seems to have gone mad.

Have you Noticed?

2006-07-31T23:48:00.000-07:00

Have you noticed that when we're nice to one person, sometimes that means we're not nice to many?

The best example of this is holding the door to a train. Sure, the person who was late is psyched. But what about the person on the train who's running late to work, but got to the train on time? And what about the train engineer, whose carefully planned schedule is now thrown off?

Or starting meetings on time. Why respect the time of people who are late over that of the people who made it on time?

We always perceive society like Spock, "the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one." But we all secretly want to be Kirk, "the needs of the one outweigh the needs of the many."

Who have you been mean to while being nice?

In the Earth Relm

2006-07-28T05:00:00.000-07:00

I tried to take a picture, but the man holding the sign saying...he just held it back up.

"Jesus is in the Earth Relm, Spiritually Multiplied with Hosts, for manhunt human traffikers."

I love this city.

Stupid Story Has Legs

2006-07-27T05:46:00.000-07:00

Monique (I absolutely refuse to use her spelling: Mo'Nique) is still "boycotting" United Airlines. And turning a simple customer-service issue into a racial issue: "I felt like I was being treated like an animal. This happens to black people all the time, and they don't have a voice. I have a voice."

So do the six billion other non-mute Earth dwellers, Mo'. But let's not dwell on that, 'kay?

This has to be the most stupid story of the week.

A One-Person Boycott

2006-07-27T00:01:00.000-07:00

Ignore the fact that this is stupid for a moment. She wasn't called a name, or assaulted, or insulted. Her assistant, sitting in coach, tried to store something in 1st class, and was challenged. She was "humiliated" because a supervisor called the cops to deal with a "disgruntled and belligerant passenger."

Ignore for a moment the fact that bad customer service doesn't necessarily equal racist customer service.

Can I just say that one person doesn't a boycott make? When it's just you, it's a purchasing choice, not a boycott.

Professional Nerd

2006-07-26T08:47:00.000-07:00

Let's not even discuss why this is news. The WSJ front page is always a little quirky.

2006-07-19T20:56:00.000-07:00

Day Trip

2006-07-19T08:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was in the UK. For the day. Ouch. It was a scheduling SNAFU; I was supposed to be at meetings here, but overbooked myself, and no one canceled.

Of course, after 11, 13, 17, and 18 hour flights over the last 3 weeks, the 7-hour flight to Heathrow was like nothin'.

Now I'm back. I hope for more than a couple of days.

Vacationing in Hell

2006-07-17T05:21:00.000-07:00

I feel true sorrow for the Canadian family who lost 7 of its members in an air raid over the weekend.

I feel constrained to ask, however, why they were "vacationing" in Lebanon. It's not like the war was being fought in secret. Israel has to be the only army in the world that gives advance notice where it's going to bomb. And there are still civilian casualties. Frankly, it makes me wonder about the civilians.

I have a simple rule: when the US State Department says "leave, we can't protect you," I...leave.

Hello From Down Under

2006-07-02T05:39:00.000-07:00

Two Pints And A Flight

So I left Singapore, which was hot and humid, and I'm now in Sydney, New South Wales, Australia.

Where, thank G-d, it's decently cold. I was melting in Singapore.

I got in about 3 hours ago, checked into a hotel, and went directly to a bar. I had to walk around to find one that had actual people in it, but I did, and, two pints later, I'm back in the hotel and feeling no pain.

I'm hoping that the beer will put me to bed, because I really have no fargin' idea what time it is. I slept a little on the plane, and right now, who the hell knows. For my family, who I just spoke to, and really miss, it's about 8:30 a.m. Here, supposedly, it's about 10:30 p.m. I don't know whether I should be tired because it's time to go to bed, or it's time to wake up, or what.

All I know is that Desperate Housewives is on, so it's probably nighttime.

Sing

2006-06-26T16:42:00.000-07:00

Early morning in Singapore.

Beautiful.

What the hell time is it again? Night? Day? My body can't quite tell, having just flown literally half-way around the world.

Hopping Mad

2006-06-23T07:02:00.000-07:00

So Pissed I Can Barely See Straight

If I had a subscription to the New York Times, or the LA Times, I would cancel it today. I would not want to give money to, or be associated in any way with, any person or entity that commits treason.

And there's no other word to describe publishing a story about a top secret, totally legal, tremendously effective program to help catch hidden terrorists. The operation was brilliant and simple. Here's how it went.

You've heard of someone "wiring" money, right? Have you ever thought about what exactly it means to "wire" money. It's not like they put the money on a wire. And it's not like they just place a phone call. To ensure that the wire is legitimate, and that it's from a real bank, a standard communication had to evolve, with protections in place to ensure legitimacy. Hence a company---in Belgium of all places---that provides the actual format for the messages sending money worldwide. Everyone, but everyone, in the banking world uses these messages, called SWIFT messages.

So the government, since 9/11, has been subpoenaing these SWIFT messages to determine whether patterns exist, and to trace the money flow from known or suspected Al Queda operatives. The government has been "following the money."

So simple and brilliant, I'm frankly surprised that the low-level agent who thought it up was allowed to do it.

Of course, now that the New York Times and the LA Times printed details of the program, I'm not so sure it's going to be quite as effective. I thought that the Times' deliberate obfuscation of the limited scope of the call monitoring program was treasonous, but this...this is dastardly.

Don't they believe that some government operations should be done in secret? Don't they understand that there are consequences to their actions? Don't they friggin' know who the enemy is? Why do I get the feeling there's a bunch of editors at the Times who would like nothing better than to print the faces, names, and home addresses of all of our Special Operations guys? Or at least run details of their planned operations?

There's a word for that.

Treason.

Piling On

2006-06-20T06:54:00.000-07:00

Is this just a New York City Subway thing? Piling up the trash on top of the can?

Because I find it funny. In a "we're stupid" kind of way. What's that game where you pile on things, and take them away one by one, until it falls over? That's what this reminds me of.

Welcome to New York.

Coming Up To...China

2006-06-19T18:36:00.000-07:00

This Sunday I'm leaving for Singapore, Australia, and China. For three weeks.

No, don't say, "ooh, how cool!" It's not cool at all. It's horribly uncool. If three weeks away from my family weren't enough to change your mind, how about my schedule? Give training all day, with groups coming in and out, and me giving the same class over and over. Then I have to find kosher food. Then I do it again the next day.

Then I fly to the next city. And, oh yeah, flight time from Singapore to Sydney is about 7 1/2 hours. And from Sydney to Beijing is 13. Then I start all over again in the next city.

No, this is not a vacation.

Did I mention that it's going to be like that for three weeks?

Beach Day

2006-06-18T15:58:00.000-07:00

It's severe clear today (not a cloud in the sky).

And oh yes, we spent it at the beach.

Who wouldn't?

Daniel Powter...

2006-06-18T15:56:00.000-07:00

...is totally, completely, and deservedly...overrated.

(Did you notice the serial comma?)

Grammar Lesson, Part II

2006-06-18T13:23:00.000-07:00

OK, for our next lesson I'm tackling one of the more controversial grammatical devices: the serial comma.

The serial comma is the last comma in a series: red, white, and blue. Some would write that phrase "red, white and blue," with no comma.

They'd be wrong.

With any list of three or more, use a comma before the fibal conjunction.

Where did not using the final comma come from? When you look into it---as I have---you find it comes from newspaper style guides. Places like the AP, Reuters, where every single letter or mark means ink and space, and both are in short supply. So they eliminate the comma, saving both.

Some people call it the Oxford Comma, although why I don't know, because the Oxford Style Guide uses the final comma.

So, enjoy.

Because I'm a Nice Guy...and a Geek

2006-06-16T09:51:00.000-07:00

So I'm going to start a grammar series, to make you sound more educated.

First lesson: "is comprised of" is always wrong. Never write or say that phrase. The proper usage is simply "comprises." The word "comprises" means "is made up of." So, you say, "the list comprises all members who have paid their dues." Or, "a PB&J comprises bread, jelly, and peanut butter."

Next lesson: the serial comma.

San Franciscan Women

2006-06-15T12:56:00.000-07:00

I must say, the women here are gorgeous. None of them hold a candle to Mrs. LNU, of course.

Gotta Admire 'Em

2006-06-15T07:59:00.000-07:00

The French just showed us what speedy justice they provide: their appeals court just upheld a conviction...from 1988.

No fine has been levied yet.

And he's appealing again.

A Walk In San Francisco

2006-06-14T23:27:00.000-07:00

No, that's not a metaphor. I'm in SF, walking around. It's one of those perfect days...I can just feel it Weather is perfect. And I've got about five hours to spend just walking the city. And SF is a great walking-arund city, you know?

A Walk In San Francisco

2006-06-14T18:25:00.000-07:00

Kosher Chinese

2006-06-14T18:18:00.000-07:00

I just had felafel, hummus, and shwarma in San Francisco's Chinatown. No kidding. It's a funny world.

Actual Construction

2006-06-08T12:47:00.000-07:00

Who would have believed it? They're starting to do actual work at Ground Zero. and only 4 1/2 years later. Not bad.

/sarcasm.

Because We're Stupid, Is Why

2006-06-06T07:06:00.000-07:00

I now ride my bike to the train station. Let's leave to one side how this makes me feel less like a professional adult than, say, a 12-year-old. Let's instead discuss modern bicycles, the Marketing Machine, America, and the shopper's psychosis.

The evidence of a problem can be seen by viewing the bicycle rack at work. I work in downtown Manhattan, and lots of people ride bikes to work. I have no problem with this at all. The odd thing I noticed is that most of the bicycles look like this one:

Now, you'd think that nothing was wrong with this. It's a great-looking bike, right?

Except, why? Why have a mountain bike in the city? See those knobby tires?

Here, take a closer look:

Those tires mean more "grab" to the tire. Of course, what the tire is "grabbing" is the road. Which means more friction, which means more effort to overcome the friction and gain velocity. Or, as non-physics-students say: you have to pedal harder.

Don't get me wrong, there's plenty good about a mountain bike. The suspension is a hell of a lot better, for one thing. Of course, that really only helps if you're here:

It's next to useless if you're, say, here:

Because, hey, you notice anything about this picture? I'll tell you:

Flat as a pancake.

The entire island of Manhattan is pretty much as flat as a pancake. OK, if you live in Washington Heights, there's a hill. But the road is asphalt! Not dirt and large rocks.

What you need in the city is this bike:

with these tires:

See, smooth. No grab. No friction. Easier pedaling.

So why do people buy the mountain bike?

Because we're stupid people who believe anything we're told as long as you wave a pretty girl in front of us. If you buy this bike, you'll magically be transported to this place. Mountains. Fresh Air. And you'll have the skill to ride down a mountain on a bicycle like the guy in the photo, without breaking your neck, which is what would happen if you or I tried to mountain bike down the side of a mountain.

How else could you explain people drinking Budweiser? Because, be honest, it takes like what I imagine horse piss would taste like. Other, better, beers are as cheap. Ah, but whenever you see a Budweiser ad, there's a pretty girl next to it. Not so subtly, they're saying, "buy this beer and you can screw this girl." Hell, the girl is usually halfway to undressed anyway, right. How far do you have left to go?

I remember the old joke, "what's a bargain? Something you don't need at a price you can't resist."

And don't think that I think that I'm immune. I'm certainly not.

My downfall is electronics. See, I use a computer for pictures, and the internet. That's pretty much it at home. But I need---need, mind you---the newest computer. I can send someone to the moon using my computer, it's got such computing power. But I'm just dying to buy the new Mac, because it's got that dual Intel core. Which means what? I can now send two people to the moon? All I need is a simple Mac. What I want is the newest, fastest, coolest-looking Mac I can not really afford. Hell, I'll put it on my credit card. That's free money, right?

For Your Viewing Pleasure

2006-06-05T21:11:00.000-07:00

I Know, I Know

But back when this came out, Britney was the shit. Seriously, everyone I knew thought she was the hottest thing going. And, let's face it guys, you did too.

Now she's sunk into how-did-she-ever-marry-that-skanky-guy-and-have-a-kid land. I mean it. K-fed? Have you ever seen a bigger shiftless loser? Show me a bigger shiftless loser and I'll show you... ... ... a really huge shiftless loser.

Anyway, enjoy this blast from the past.

Holy Crap!

2006-06-05T15:25:00.000-07:00

Wow. Just wow. Guy is having a heart attack and lands his Cessna on a friggin' *highway*, then dies. The three passengers? Not a scratch.

They just don't make 'em like that guy anymore.

Wow, That's Quick

2006-06-05T10:19:00.000-07:00

Still on the fence, and they got him? How long does it take to climb a fence? Seriously, you have to admire the speed and efficiency of the U.S. Secret Service.

Barbeque

2006-05-30T06:51:00.000-07:00

Barbeque
Originally uploaded by Hank LNU.

Why is it that when I go to a restaurant, I have a hamburger for dinner. One hamburger.

But at a barbeque, I can eat two hot dogs and three hamburgers and not break a sweat? Seriously, how is it that I can stuff myself with meat as long as it was cooked on a grill?

Not that I have any reason lately to ponder this question. No, the happenstance of Memorial Day (the biggest barbequeing day of the year) being yesterday has nothing to do with it.

Really.

Why don't you believe me?

Don't you trust me?

OK, OK, fine. I broke under your withering gaze.

Yes, I overate at yesterday's barbeque. A hot dog and three hamburgers. The hot dogs with mustard (no relish...they didn't have any: i like mustard and relish on my 'dogs), the hamburgers with ketchup and cole slaw (yes, I put the 'slaw on the burger...don't knock it until you've tried it.) And Moo? You can just shut up with that I've-found-someone-weirder-than-me! look on your face. Peeps, nipples. 'Nuf said, don't you think? Or do I need to go find the link?

I'm just a wee bit tired today: my younger daughter decided that it'd be really good idea to stand outside our room and yell at the top of her lungs. At midnight. And again at 4 a.m. I got up at 4:30 a.m. to get to work for a 7:30 a.m. conference call, so I'm really surprised I'm vertical today.

And I'm not really feeling 100% today.

Let's see, anything else I can complain about?

Nope.

EOP.

Fugly

2006-05-25T05:59:00.000-07:00

What's a balloon animal doing iin front of the new 7 World Trade Center?

Oh, never mind, it's just an incredibly ugly sculpture.

Another Childhood Icon Gone

2006-05-24T07:15:00.000-07:00

sesame street gangsters
Originally uploaded by Hank LNU.

This is just so disturbing, I really can't get over it. The image will haunt me forever. Ernie strapped, with a "nine." Big Bird, that international icon of wholesomeness and good, smoking.

And a single tear drips down my cheek.

24

2006-05-23T11:03:00.000-07:00

Was I the only person who, at 6:45 a.m. by the clock, and hearing that very nice, victorious, soft music come on, said, "oh shit, this can't be good."

That season ender was *awesome*! I think the best one yet. No false danger, just shoot 'em all dead, one by one (so to speak; I was perfectly fine with Bierko getting his neck snapped.)

And I so told the HLW that the pen (I even said the pen) was a transmitter. Ok, so everyone else in the world got it too, but so what? Oh...you didn't get it? Don't *you* feel stupid?

All in all, the best season yet. I'm frankly still shaking from the first 10 minutes of the season.

And they well and truly set up next season, didn't they?

My guess? The Chinese need help with a problem, so they have to recruit Bauer to help them. Do they team him with a beautiful but deadly female Chinese agent? Time will tell.

What's your guess?

Bravery? Not So Much.

2006-05-23T06:16:00.000-07:00

Idiots.

Why is it "brave" to stand up in a room full of people who agree with you and yell something everybody in the room agrees with, except for the speaker, who is espousing a different idea? That's not brave, that's self-indulgent.

Now, if she sponsored a debate, and picked a real opponent, where she'd have to defend her ideas without ad hominem attacks, that'd be brave.

But to heckle a man who disagrees with her, who has vastly more knowledge and experience than she does, who has fought and bled and literally been tortured for his country, is an arrogance to an extent only found in liberal arts college students.

She should not be lionized. She should be ashamed of herself.

Even her apology was bullshit: "I'm really sorry I had to do that." And, "it was in keeping with his value of self-expression."

I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

No más. No más.

Keep My Politics to Myself

2006-05-19T12:07:00.000-07:00

I like Keifer Sutherland. I don't know his politics, which is what I like. He just said in an interview: "I keep my politics to myself, and I vote where I can."

Let's teach Barbara Streisand and Susan Sarandon that reserve. Please?

Rezzie, Part III

2006-05-15T14:49:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite people, and one of my favorite bloggers. Now that you've listened, click the link button to go to her blog.

Rezzie, Part II

2006-05-15T14:45:00.000-07:00

Rezzie, Part I

2006-05-15T14:39:00.000-07:00

The Long, Long Mini-Interview

Home Away from Home

2006-05-09T15:08:00.000-07:00

I could so get used to living at Sam's house.

No, No, No

2006-05-09T13:57:00.000-07:00

Boots on the left?

What NOT to do.

Great Moments in Marketing

2006-05-08T04:32:00.000-07:00

I just love good PR. "They're still wrestling with how the finale will end." And I guess they're still wondering how the beginning will begin? Or are they talking about the end of the end of the show. I mean, isn't the "end of the end" the credits? Are they really worried about the credits? On TV, where they roll credits at hyperspeed so that only Moo hopped up on Peeps can read them?

True Heroes

2006-05-03T06:06:00.000-07:00

Look at these stats. Especially the last two. 14 firefighters hurt, 0 civilians hurt. Zero.

These people run *into* fires when everyone else is running out. I've been privileged to know some firefighters. They're all certifiably insane. And all genuine heroes. Every one.

I remember after 9/11 when a fire truck would pass, people on the street would clap. I wish we could go back to that.

It's a Boy

2006-04-27T15:51:00.000-07:00

Really, really pretty too. In a manly way, of course.

Meetings, Meetings, and...More Meetings

2006-04-26T09:26:00.000-07:00

Yep, I have two business units I support having their week-long meetings this week. So om bopping back and forth between them. Ever hear the adage that you can't do two things well? So just do one thing?

Me neither. But so what? I just made up an adage, deal with it.

And to top it off? STILL NO BABY! I swear, this baby is so disobedient, it's going to be born into a time out.

Meetings, Meetings, and...More Meetings

2006-04-26T08:00:00.000-07:00

Me neither. But so what? I just made up an adage, deal with it.

And to top it off? STILL NO BABY! I swear, this baby is so disobedient, it's going to be born into a time out.

Meetings, Meetings, and...More Meetings

2006-04-26T07:23:00.000-07:00

Me neither. But so what? I just made up an adage, deal with it.

And to top it off? STILL NO BABY! I swear, this baby is so disobedient, it's going to be born into a time out.

Why We Fight

2006-04-21T10:51:00.000-07:00

It's always good to remember the nature of your enemies. You don't dwell on it, because staring into that blackness has an effect on you, but you shouldn't forget it either. Because when you forget, you start to think that negotiation might work, or that you need to respect their democatic process. No. No. No.

The nature of our enemies is barbarity.

No concept of mercy clouds their purpose, which, ultimately, is the death of my children. I don't have to respect anyone who fervently desires my kids' death. I don't need to understand the greivances of someone who wants my childrens' blood to stain the streets.

And how do I know they want that? Because...they say so. And there's a great quote: "when someone points a gun at your head and says they want to kill you...believe them." That's the lesson of Oslo and Intifada II.

I have no patience for someone who says they want me dead. Someone who says that about my kids has signed their own death warrant with those words. I don't need to understand them, I just need to know where to find them.

This picture makes my blood boil, every time I see it. Because the nature of our enemies is barbarity, and too many people see it and turn away.

False Alarm

2006-04-21T04:09:00.000-07:00

False Alarm
Originally uploaded by Hank LNU.

So I spent a goodly portion of yesterday, the last day of Passover, in the hospital. But do I have a new child yet? Not so fast, little camper. We spent an hour on the monitor, then two hours walking the halls, then another little while on the monitor, and...got sent home.

Whoopsie.

So I'm taking the day off; we hope she'll go in the next day or so. It's her pattern: a false alarm, then real labor. If she sticks to form. Which, you know, well, each pregnancy is different.

So what I'm saying is...who the hell knows when we're going to have our next kid. Not me, that's for certain.

The really annoying thing is the lady that came into the labor and delivery wing while we were there. Her water had broken (for those of you who haven't gone through this, that means automatic admission. Otherwise, you get put on the monitor and evaluated until you enter what they consider to be real labor), and she was in serious pain. But about 30 minutes later---while we were still walking the halls trying to get something going---she was holding her new baby.

We hate her.

A Little Insulting

2006-04-11T08:38:00.000-07:00

OK, It's a Little Thing. I Admit It.

But I still get really annoyed when:

I hold the door open for someone and when they walk through it, they push it open a little wider. If they want to hold it open for me, that's fine. I appreciate the reciprocation. But that's not it. They just push it open, just a little bit, for themselves. And that's really annoying. It's like I didn't do my job good enough for them. No...they like to walk through a space of 64", and the 62" I opened for them simply wasn't enough. It's like they think I took the power from them, and they need to reassert. Like I said...annoying.

Movie quote: (Winner to receive a Toblerone, if they send me an address): I'll even give you a hint...it's the opening line to the movie.

"So gather 'round as I run it down, and unravel my pedigree: my father...was a junkie."

On the Run More Than 40 Years

2006-04-11T08:35:00.000-07:00

They caught the "Boss of Bosses" after 40 years on the run. Not something you really want to advertise, don't you think? Youe weren't able to catch the guy for so long. Whoopsie.

I'm Back

2006-04-03T15:08:00.000-07:00

It's Good To Be Home

I spent time in London and Stockholm, and now I'm back.

London was fantastic. Truly excellent.

But Stockholm was absolutely amazing. There are lots of places I haven't been—Prague and Vienna being two that come immediately to mind—that are supposedly beautiful. But I can say that of all the places I've been, Stockholm is the prettiest physically. The actual structure of the place, I mean. There's a channel going through it, separating the city into three sections, one a small island. Cobblestone streets, narrow alleys, clean. Incredible.

But it's really good to be home.

Women and Boots

2006-03-24T06:45:00.000-08:00

Going to Hank's School of Fashion

Ladies, be aware that men feel, and I say, that certain women should just not wear certain outfits. This rule applies to men also (I'm not being sexist). But right now, we're just going to talk about all women and one type of outfit: boots. I invite any woman to do a similar post about men's bad outfits. It'll be a little more difficult because we don't have that many options, and deriding men for wearing sweats more than appropriate isn't exactly tough, or new.

There are three types of boots: cowboy boots, high and tight boots, and short loose-fitting boots. There are different rules depending on the type of boot. The other variable is type of lower-body apparel: pants, short skirt, and long skirt. To be precise, the distinction between short and long in this context is whether the skirt covers the top of the boot.

So, here are some rules.

Cowboy boots: Don't wear them with short skirts (especially jeans skirts), please, unless you're planning on line dancing and are actually in Texas. Thanks. Just don't do it. It doesn't look good. And for the love of all that's Holy, don't wear them with any sort of tights. Pants should cover the boot, and not be tucked into it. Long skirts and cowboy boots are fine.

High and tight boots: why bother wearing this kind of killer-sexy boot unless you wear a short skirt to show them off? Long skirts are acceptable, but not recommended. It's not that long skirts are wrong with this type of boot, I just don't understand why someone would do it. Pants that cover the boot are a waste of time. Short pants? Resist the urge. There are also high and loose-fitting boots. These simply don't look good on anyone. There is a subset of high and tight boots: boots ending above the knee. Unless you're a dominatrix, or a hooker: don't. You don't look sexy, you look cheap.

Good:

Bad:

Now we come to the last type of boot: low boots. These fall into a couple of categories. Uggs. Which are so five minutes ago. And, can we be honest? Never were they ever complimentary. The best that can be said of them is that maybe they were warm. OK, if you're Giselle Bundchen, go right ahead. Because, let's face it, she'd look awesome in anything. But for the rest of us? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. And no.

I have to say that I'm not a fan of short boots. I guess an argument can be made that they lengthen the leg. But I'm not going to make that argument, because I think that they just look bad.

Like this:

Now, granted, these boots are awful anyway, but still. You can get away with short boots and pants, because then you can't tell they're short boots. But that's the exception that proves the rule, don't you think? I'm not going to make don't-wear-short-boots into a rule because I admit it's more of a personal preference. But be honest with yourself: if you don't have the leg for it, don't wear it. And if you have the leg for it, wear a shorter short skirt, as the picture above. Why wear a boot that's going to show off your legs and then wear a knee-length skirt that shortens them?

Random Boot Rules:

No moon-style boots (you know, with the massively large heel?). My eyes hurt whenever I see these.

If a short boot has extra leather, so that it folds over many times and looks like that dog with extra furry folds on its face (you know the one I mean), avoid it. (I looked for a picture, and found one, closed the window by accident).

No tights with boots. Ever. I don't care who you are. No, you are not the exception. No, you don't look good in them.

Here's a good rule-0f-thumb: if the boot hugs your leg, you can show the whole boot. If you can put two fingers between the top of the boot and your leg, cover the top of the boot.

I'm just sayin', is all.

What I'd Really Rather Be Doing

2006-03-23T11:20:00.000-08:00

Through-Hiking

So...why "Hank?" It's not my real name, and only one person calls me that in the whole world (although, now a few more do).

See, I have a real life now: wife, kids, house. And all the wonders that come with it: mortgage, diapers, etc. Don't get me wrong, it's a great life.

But there's a whole other part of me that I put away a long time ago. Sometimes it comes out. It's the part that loves the outdoors, and wants to move to Boulder. Or through-hike the Appalachian Trail. It's not because I want to escape my life: I really love my life. But the life I chose, well, it was a choice. I chose this path. In choosing this path, I foreclosed another. You can't hike the Trail when you have three (soon to be four) children. They wouldn't understand why Daddy was gone for four months.

And growing up, a big part of me loved that stuff. Hiking, biking, swimming, running. I was an earthy-crunchy guy in a conservative body. I had a friend, T, who brought that out in me. But at the window of opportunity, she went her way, and I went mine. So instead of the delights of travel and love of outdoors, I chose indoor pursuits. I've done well for myself (if I do say so myself). Sometimes, though—sometimes—I wonder what my life would be like had I gone down another path.

So that's what "Hank" is, that other part of me.

2006-03-23T10:07:00.000-08:00

First text message post.

Mobile Email from a Cingular Wireless Customer http://www.cingular.com

Why LNU?

2006-03-23T09:41:00.000-08:00

Tell Me a Story...

So in the police department, you have forms you have to fill out—lots of forms. If you don't know a person's last name, you put down "LNU" for "Last Name Unknown."

The story goes that there was once a new police captain sitting in his office looking through paperwork. After about 5 minutes he called in the desk sergeant and said, "who is this Lnu family, and what are we doing about all the crime they're committing?!"

This will be a somewhat anonymous journal of mine: people who know my blog history will know me, but no one in my real life will (hopefully).

Some of you may like it, some not. But it'll be me; that much I can promise.

My Last Name

2006-03-23T09:07:00.000-08:00

Will Remain Unknown

You can call me Hank. This is me. Howdy.