Women and Boots
Going to Hank's School of Fashion
Ladies, be aware that men feel, and I say, that certain women should just not wear certain outfits. This rule applies to men also (I'm not being sexist). But right now, we're just going to talk about all women and one type of outfit: boots. I invite any woman to do a similar post about men's bad outfits. It'll be a little more difficult because we don't have that many options, and deriding men for wearing sweats more than appropriate isn't exactly tough, or new.
There are three types of boots: cowboy boots, high and tight boots, and short loose-fitting boots. There are different rules depending on the type of boot. The other variable is type of lower-body apparel: pants, short skirt, and long skirt. To be precise, the distinction between short and long in this context is whether the skirt covers the top of the boot.
So, here are some rules.
Cowboy boots: Don't wear them with short skirts (especially jeans skirts), please, unless you're planning on line dancing and are actually in Texas. Thanks. Just don't do it. It doesn't look good. And for the love of all that's Holy, don't wear them with any sort of tights. Pants should cover the boot, and not be tucked into it. Long skirts and cowboy boots are fine.
High and tight boots: why bother wearing this kind of killer-sexy boot unless you wear a short skirt to show them off? Long skirts are acceptable, but not recommended. It's not that long skirts are wrong with this type of boot, I just don't understand why someone would do it. Pants that cover the boot are a waste of time. Short pants? Resist the urge. There are also high and loose-fitting boots. These simply don't look good on anyone. There is a subset of high and tight boots: boots ending above the knee. Unless you're a dominatrix, or a hooker: don't. You don't look sexy, you look cheap.
Good:
Now we come to the last type of boot: low boots. These fall into a couple of categories. Uggs. Which are so five minutes ago. And, can we be honest? Never were they ever complimentary. The best that can be said of them is that maybe they were warm. OK, if you're Giselle Bundchen, go right ahead. Because, let's face it, she'd look awesome in anything. But for the rest of us? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. And no.
Now, granted, these boots are awful anyway, but still. You can get away with short boots and pants, because then you can't tell they're short boots. But that's the exception that proves the rule, don't you think? I'm not going to make don't-wear-short-boots into a rule because I admit it's more of a personal preference. But be honest with yourself: if you don't have the leg for it, don't wear it. And if you have the leg for it, wear a shorter short skirt, as the picture above. Why wear a boot that's going to show off your legs and then wear a knee-length skirt that shortens them?
Ladies, be aware that men feel, and I say, that certain women should just not wear certain outfits. This rule applies to men also (I'm not being sexist). But right now, we're just going to talk about all women and one type of outfit: boots. I invite any woman to do a similar post about men's bad outfits. It'll be a little more difficult because we don't have that many options, and deriding men for wearing sweats more than appropriate isn't exactly tough, or new.
There are three types of boots: cowboy boots, high and tight boots, and short loose-fitting boots. There are different rules depending on the type of boot. The other variable is type of lower-body apparel: pants, short skirt, and long skirt. To be precise, the distinction between short and long in this context is whether the skirt covers the top of the boot.
So, here are some rules.
Cowboy boots: Don't wear them with short skirts (especially jeans skirts), please, unless you're planning on line dancing and are actually in Texas. Thanks. Just don't do it. It doesn't look good. And for the love of all that's Holy, don't wear them with any sort of tights. Pants should cover the boot, and not be tucked into it. Long skirts and cowboy boots are fine.
High and tight boots: why bother wearing this kind of killer-sexy boot unless you wear a short skirt to show them off? Long skirts are acceptable, but not recommended. It's not that long skirts are wrong with this type of boot, I just don't understand why someone would do it. Pants that cover the boot are a waste of time. Short pants? Resist the urge. There are also high and loose-fitting boots. These simply don't look good on anyone. There is a subset of high and tight boots: boots ending above the knee. Unless you're a dominatrix, or a hooker: don't. You don't look sexy, you look cheap.
Good:
Bad:
Now we come to the last type of boot: low boots. These fall into a couple of categories. Uggs. Which are so five minutes ago. And, can we be honest? Never were they ever complimentary. The best that can be said of them is that maybe they were warm. OK, if you're Giselle Bundchen, go right ahead. Because, let's face it, she'd look awesome in anything. But for the rest of us? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. And no.
I have to say that I'm not a fan of short boots. I guess an argument can be made that they lengthen the leg. But I'm not going to make that argument, because I think that they just look bad.
Like this:
Like this:
Now, granted, these boots are awful anyway, but still. You can get away with short boots and pants, because then you can't tell they're short boots. But that's the exception that proves the rule, don't you think? I'm not going to make don't-wear-short-boots into a rule because I admit it's more of a personal preference. But be honest with yourself: if you don't have the leg for it, don't wear it. And if you have the leg for it, wear a shorter short skirt, as the picture above. Why wear a boot that's going to show off your legs and then wear a knee-length skirt that shortens them?
Random Boot Rules:
No moon-style boots (you know, with the massively large heel?). My eyes hurt whenever I see these.
If a short boot has extra leather, so that it folds over many times and looks like that dog with extra furry folds on its face (you know the one I mean), avoid it. (I looked for a picture, and found one, closed the window by accident).
No tights with boots. Ever. I don't care who you are. No, you are not the exception. No, you don't look good in them.
Here's a good rule-0f-thumb: if the boot hugs your leg, you can show the whole boot. If you can put two fingers between the top of the boot and your leg, cover the top of the boot.
I'm just sayin', is all.
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Posted by
Thérèse |
9:30 AM
Some really good points:
1/ Uggs = ugly
2/ don't wear boots that go higher than your knees unless you're a dominatrix
3/ the low boot you chose to show was very ugly. Ew.
4/ on the money with the skirt-longer-than-boot thing. The
possible exception there is if a woman is wearing a long skirt with slits on the sides (I'm a fan of 2 slits, hate just the one), and skinny boots. That's hott.
I also thought you were wrong on some points though.
Most importantly, that slouchy boots are rotten. I would add that if not done right, slouchy becomes sloppy, but there are instances when it looks right when done properly. I myself own a pair of such boots and they are perfection.
But then, I have impeccable shoe taste.
Posted by
Thérèse |
9:31 AM
I said that the short-boot thing was a preference, not a rule, but I'm sticking to my guns. That slouchy look is too Cindy Lauper for me. Molly Ringwald in The Breakfast Club. Now, I love the 80s. I grew up in the 80s. But I don't dress like I'm still in the 80s.
And I completely agree with the high, tight boot with long skirt but with slits on the sides. Oh my, yes, that's sexy. But also proves my point. It's not sexy because the tops of the boots are covered; it's sexy when the tops of the boots show through the slits. It's demure sexy, and golly-gee, demure sexy is hot.
Posted by
Hank |
12:14 PM
You go through blogs like Therese goes through boots. Sheesh.
Posted by
MooCow |
10:28 PM
You'll be proud to know that I pass on all your rules, with the possible exception of the cowboy boots and short skirt one.
But I live in an old ranchin' town, I CAN line dance, and that's just about the only place I'd wear that combo.
Do I still pass, Hank?
Posted by
Valancy Jane |
1:32 PM